*This is dedicated to the ladies who did not get another chance to make a different choice.
And to those ladies whose bravery was interrupted-your death was not in vain.
The last time, was my last time. The rage in his eyes screamed to me like never before. But the unbothered look in my face, told the story and shook his soul. Getting to that day had taken 10 years and within those years there were many honeymoons and do-overs and I’m sorry and makeups. I’d thought, “But what about our family?” What did family really mean if it’s being ripped apart from the inside out with words that cut, and stab at my esteem and heard in full earshot of our child.
I’d thought, “I don’t want to be a failure, marriage is supposed to be forever.” Walking away from what is hurting me would not be a failure if I would save myself. I’d reason, “What will the church (people in the church) think about me and that dreaded D-word?” I have only One to answer to and even He would not want His child mistreated. I thought, “But I don’t want to be alone.” What good is being in a relationship if you already feel alone? All those thoughts and others I wrestled with daily and yes, I prayed. I wanted God, to do something.
Maybe, God would change him and then everything would be resolved. That would not be the answer, not in this instance. My answer was-I had to move. I had made a move before, but THIS time was not like any other time.
This night, was not like any other night. It was as if everything pointed to this moment in time. When it came, it was as if time stood still, but I knew it was the end. I knew my strength had come and my prayer had been answered. When I moved….things, the right things started to fall into place at just the right time. It was not easy.
Not every detail was perfect, but I could see the sun start to rise on what was a time of deep darkness in my life. There were hiccups and valleys and rugged places, but I just kept going, I had to. I’ll say again, it was not easy, but today I can say…it was worth it.
If you today, find yourself, in an abusive relationship, marriage, situation, let me first say, you are worth more than the way you’re being treated. You DESERVE better. Yes, it is scary. Yes, it is frustrating. It may even be embarrassing, but your situation can change. Reach out and get out. There are resources to help and to point you to freedom and a better life.
What will you do to save your life today?
Here is a resource local to the Kansas City Metro Area:
Here is a national resource: