(This post may contain affiliate links and through that link I may receive an affiliate commission for any purchase that you make as a result of the referral, at no cost to you. I choose to use affiliate links to enable me to fund the time it takes for me to write content and provide my community with valuable information.)
“I don’t want to be alone.” That is your first thought as you assess the mess that is your life.
Your mind rehearses the multiple reasons why this can’t end-like you’re arguing within yourself.
There have been years invested in this relationship. Although you know this is not a normal existence, you don’t know how to unravel yourself out of the web that you are now caught in.
You know the feelings of loneliness that accompanies the beginnings of an unpleasant conversation that crescendos into an argument. Many hurtful and damaging words are spoken both ways and sometimes, most times in the presence or within earshot of the children. Many of those words thrown during the arguments left knives in deep places that continue to bleed. How do you stop the bleeding?
That warm body lying next to you night after night continues to seal your decision that you refuse to experience or entertain the the thought of what it would be like to lie in an empty bed. There is no way being a single parent or tearing this family apart is an option.
But it’s tearing you apart. How could you explain to a child that because of a decision you’ve made that their life will never be the same again? How could their life be anymore abnormal than it is at this moment? It could be worse-you tell yourself. Truth is-you’re scared, terrified about what possible next steps would be. This confusion, this chaos is comfortable.
Change is not a word or a position that you’re interested in.
Fear is a terrible emotion. It at times is as quiet as a whisper or can roar and rage like a hungry lion paralyzing you in your tracks. Fear can produce the most grand illusions that will take your mind to far away places in a second conjuring up scenarios that may never come true.
You cannot let the FEAR of ‘being alone’ stop you from self-care and your well being. If your relationship/marriage is out of control with verbal or physical abuse or both-you CAN make the next steps to start a better life for yourself. Your children will be fine-better even with the new normal than the old nightmare. Alone is a state of mind-it is possible to be with another person and be physically alone-the real question is in which state are you most miserable?
Start the process of your new life now and you will look back at each horrific memory and realize that you are now a survivor and those lessons made you stronger and gave you the tools for your new life. Silence the fear with action and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones that rebuild you into a new creation-better and well equipped for the next stage of your life.
You Are Worth More.